Tag: Love

Happiest Tribe on Earth

Do you know where the happiest people on Earth live? You must’ve answered “Denmark”. According to the ex-missionary Daniel Everett, the happiest people live in Brazil. 

Pirahã men @ Ezotera.ariom

Pirahã men
@ Ezotera.ariom

Members of a primitive tribe, called Pirahã, are said to be the most simple and happiest people living on mother Earth, or so they perceive themselves. They are extremely simple, basing their knowledge on facts and relationships. A missionary, who went to the Amazon jungle trying to convert a lonely tribe has become an atheist himself and has written a book on Pirahã people pointing the differences between the simple tribe and modern 21-century people.

Don’t Sleep, There Are Snakes

How different the realisation of world is among Pirahãs? First and foremost, Pirahã might be the only people not sleeping for a long time, unlike us. In many countries we have such expressions like “good night”, “sleep tight” or “sweet dreams”, that we say before going to sleep. In Pirahã tribe people, before going to nap, say to each other something similar to “Don’t sleep! There are snakes around”.

When You Are Not You Anymore

Members of Pirahã tribe usually nap 20-30 minutes each time they feel sleepy. Not more than that. Pirahã people think that sleeping is bad. They believe that while sleeping, a human being becomes weak and unable to protect himself, therefore they try to avoid long-hour sleep. And, most interestingly, they believe that after a long sleep you are not you anymore. If they happen to fall assleep for a longer time than they had planned (i.e. 20-30 minutes), they change their names because they are are not they anymore. Pirahã’s would change their names and would refer to their past as “him” (i.e. previous me).

Xibipíío

In Pirahã tribe experiencing things means everything. Literally. Their culture is concerned solely with matters that fall within their direct personal experience, and therefore there is no undefined past or future, only their current personal experience and living memory. They have a concept and expression Xibipíío, meaning “experiential liminality”, which describes something “experiencable” or experienced. They do not value past or future, but instead focus on now, i.e. current  Xibipíío =  current experience. The tribe does not understand unexperienced past; i.e. if you want to say that “he went fishing last week”, Pirahã people will not believe you. First, because such concept of weeks does not exist, instead time is relative and you would have to say that it happened “small time” or “big time” ago. Second, in Pirahã language every verb must have a suffix, which indicates the source of evidence. So you end each verb with either “I saw it”, “I heard it” or “I deduced it from other available evidence”. Otherwise, if you do no do this, they will not understand how come you can even makes such claim and they would dismiss it (“I don’t believe it happened, unless there is evidence for it” attitude).

Accepting Things As They Are

Politeness in Pirahã tribes doesn’t exist, because it only shows lack of trust in each other. Everyone loves, supports and understands each other in the tribe, where they do not question or try to reason things too much. Children are not punished or shouted on and the only explanation and reasoning they have is “it just happened”. And that’s it. They do not question things nor try to see “deeper” aspects of feelings or situations. If a rebellious teenager wants to be alone for the whole day – fine, you are free to do anything you want as long as you are willing to not eat all day. You are responsible for yourself and your own survival.

In Pirahã  tribe natural occurrences are not questioned. Things just happen. There are no special ceremonial rituals either. Two people “marry” when they start living together, and two young children can “marry” as well, because a boy might know how to catch fish and a girl knows how to clean it, therefore they can live together helping each other.

You Are Responsible For Your Own Work

One of the strongest Pirahã values is no coercion; you simply don’t tell other people what to do. You do not command (and cannot command) nor give advices, everyone knows what they have to do without being told so. Since there is no social hierarchy, no one is “better” or “worse” than the other one. The tribe doesn’t have leaders. Everyone is equal (hmm, just like in Denmark…) and equally good.

No God And No Myths

The story of Jesus Christ to Pirahã did not sound convincing enough since they did not understand such words as “century”, “time” and “history”. After Pirahã tribe had listed to the missionary Daniel Everett, the only questions they asked were “was he brown like us, or white like you”? “Did you see him? Did your father see him?” According to Pirahã , if you or at least people close to you haven’t experienced it, it is simply not relevant. Pirahã does not have any concepts of a supreme entity or God and they lost interest in Daniel’s stories as soon as they discovered that he had no empirical verification for Jesus. They require evidence on personal experience (Xibipíío). Otherwise they dismiss it as irrelevant.

To my mind, such tribes as Pirahã show that happiness lies in in small, daily activities. The more we try to complicate, the worse our lives become. It seems it’s quite easy to be happy, as long as you do not over-complicate your life… Don’t you think so?

Love At First Sight

An immense emotional, psychical and physical attraction, praised by ancient writers and poets, has been a mystery for many generations in a row. All in all, what is love – an incomprehensible power or a romantic, heavenly feeling that can last for eons of time?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/maplessinseattle/

“Love at first sight” is an expression that poets would decribe a sudden romantic attraction for a stranger. In an ancient Greece, love at the first sight was called theia mania, i.e. “madness from the gods”. It was described as an attraction caused by Eros or Cupid. Therefore, the one who suddenly feels in love would be described as the one “who was hit by an arrow”. If the arrow would reach the person, they would then have a “piece” of an arrow in their hearts, overwhelming them with the longing and desire, which back then was called “the sickness of love”. In Ovid’s Metamorphoses Narcissus, an extraordinary handsome man would become madly in love in himself after seeing his looks in a lake.

Another classical example, when talking about the love at the first sight could be heroines of Plato’s Symposium’s, Aristophane’s description that the ancient world back then contained of double creatures, which have now became men and women, and therefore we are missing our second half. “When [a lover] is fortunate enough to meet his other half, they are both so intoxicated with affection, with friendship and with love, that they cannot bear to let each other out of sight for a couple instant”.

It is believed that our evolutionary past wired our brains so that we know shockingly quickly whether we might want to be with the person we are seeing (for the first time!) or not. Yet one question could be asked  - what is it, what we are trying to figure out with such a short time? Scholars speak of the concept of a “lovemap”, a list of traits we want in a partner. If your ex partner, for example, was short and chubby and afterwards you have realized the person you are looking for must be tall and slim, it means you are working on your “lovemap”. Yet such thoughts of mind are said to be more influenced by your revolutionary ancestors rather than your own decisions.

The other day I brought the discussion to two friends of mine – Alexandra and Roberto whom I asked about the love at first sight. ”I do not believe in love at first sight, I believe that it is just attraction in the beginning.”, says Alexandra from Romania. “For me it at least 2 months to discover the person… I know i am in love when I am impatient for a sign from him. “, says she. “And for me, even though I am a guy, I would like to believe in love at first sight. Imagine: you meet her and you understand that she’s your everything even though you don’t even know her name!”, says Roberto from Italy.

In science it’s been said that “love at first sight” is an instant physical attractiveness”. This particular saying could was followed upon in a German dating portal. According to the German dating portal “ElitePartner.de”, which has organized a research about the love at first sight, singles understand whether they will fall in love with another person in the first minute when seeing another person. Only 16% of singles claimed that they would need about 2-3 dates to realize that they could fall in love with this certain person. A little less than 5% of respondents claimed that they would take a little longer than two weeks to realize that. And how long would it take you to fall in love?

The Difference Of “Loving” & “Being In Love”

Like a lot of our readers, I read a lot of dating blogs. One of my favorite bloggers is Evan Marc Katz, whom some of you may be familiar with for having written ‘Why You’re Still Single’. Although he’s no longer single, as he is married to a woman he met online, he still gives excellent dating advice to his readers while keeping his blog just as vibrant as ever.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vizzzual-dot-com/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vizzzual-dot-com/

One such advice column is ‘Is It Ok To Love Someone But Not Be In Love’. In it, there is an example of a man, asking what his girlfriend meant when she told him that she loves him but isn’t “in love” with him anymore, and how that affects their plans to buy a house and marry within the next year. Katz’s response to the reader is very explicit: there is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone, but from this short intro into the topic.

The feeling of being “in love”, and how it can blind us to the partnership of our dreams. Danish people have two ways of saying I love you, and it actually is a big difference when they say “I am in love with you” (jeg er forelsket i dig) and “I love you” (jeg elsker dig), as the first is very specific and intimate, whereas the second can be attributed to a lot of things. Katz’s blog posting got me thinking about this elusive but oh-so-wonderful feeling, and how we know that we’re in love in the first place.  However, is saying to someone that you care for them deeply but aren’t feeling that passionate oozy goodness anymore really a bad thing, or is it more an evolution of what truly loving someone is?

Love evolves, similar to what researchers have found when reviewing long term relationships and how feelings change throughout the lifetime of a relationship. There is the ‘honeymoon’ period, which can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to 18 months or so, where the “in love” feelings are the most present. The highs are incredibly high, the lows are sometimes a bit scary, and as a whole it’s a pretty powerful, earth-shattering feeling. This is the stage where people act more impulsively than normal, and say things that they normally wouldn’t.

Afterwards, most of us move into a more stable type of love, if the relationship can last through that crazy “in love’ process: something more dependable, resilient and unconditional appears. It’s the kind of love you know you can spend the rest of your life basking in, enjoying and growing old with.

For some of us, moving from the one stage to the other might feel a bit like ‘falling out of love’, or not being ‘in love’ anymore. For others, a crash, not unlike from a sugar high, and we crave more of that high again, so we seek it out elsewhere. Although I have yet to read any scientific proof that coincides with my feelings on this topic, it’s just my guess that this is why, and when, many relationships go south. To me, this is the stage where love becomes a choice and not a wave to ride, and for some of us that wave is a bit too heady and exciting to not live with every single day of our lives. But is it realistic to think that we can find that, or are we ending perfectly good, stable, loving relationships in search of it?

What Turns Your Man On?

Quality lingerie, lace stockings and sweet feminine perfume will turn him on towards having an intimate relationship with you. If you really want to turn on a guy, you need to become fanciable by him. The more he is interested in you – the more he desires you. Yet how to make him desire – as well as turn him on without the usage of the feminine tricks? Men claim that they like strong, yet tender and sweet women, and we have a plan for you on how to become one so that he would fancy you even more.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/67835627@N05/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/

The looks

Since men are visual by nature, they will for sure notice your appearance. You don’t have to be the most beautiful woman on Earth to make him interested, however, you should take care of yourself: your hair, make-up and clothing should be simple yet attracting. Don’t forget that they get turned on by what they see – so make yourself look appealing.

Being able to drive

I remember when my mom put the shoe sign in a car as soon as she purchased one. Probably it was sexy and flirty back then, but do not do anything like that nowadays. A woman who loves speed and drives good gives a bonus point to your invisible account.

Flirt

Regardless of the stage of your relationship, flirt with him. Be sure you show the signs of sympathy (constantly looking at him, smiling, slightly touching yourself, innocently touching his arm while talking etc.) and leave the sense of intrigue. If you have been together for a while, you can pretend to be a stranger, invite him to a public place such as library or restaurant, and flirt with him as if you two meet for the first time in your lives.

Yoga and gymnastics

Realizing that a woman is really flexible, without a doubt, really turns men on. Well, is she can do wonders while training, who knows what else she can do…

At Times, She Would Hate Valentines

Starting with the year of 2004, when she was only fourteen and made her first unsuccessful attempt to bake muffins for her classmate that she had a crush on, she hated Valentines. Back then, muffins turned out to be too moist and sour. He didn’t like it. She felt embarrassed and stroked the fourteen from the month of February in her calendar, as if it hadn’t existed at all.

Muffin set

http://www.flickr.com/photos/buzzymelibee/

This year she’s baking muffins for the one that she loves, and this year her kitchen smells like sweet cinnamon (and so does she!) – and she knows that he is definitely going to like it.

The first time she brought muffins to him was when they were still dating. Chocolaty, round and soft – and the sweet muffin lure had even ended with a sweeter kiss. She even remembers the taste. His lips were full and soft, and so tempting. He was slightly blushing and so was she, while she kept repeating “kiss me, kiss me!” in her mind. And it happened. Must be the witchcraft of muffins. Since then he calls her “my muffin.”

a kiss

http://www.flickr.com/photos/scatto_felino/

To this day she still pretends to hate Valentines, even though she has bought an expensive 10 year old wine – just because he likes it, and just because it reminds them about their romantic holidays in a distant and enchanting Portugal. She even bought him a small present. “Must be the witchcraft of muffins,” she repeated with a smile as she was putting the dress on; the same one she wore when they kissed for the first time.

Online Dating In Denmark – Vision For Love?

Valentine’s day is coming closer and closer – happy couples are planning surprises to each other and romantic dinners together as well as lovely hours that they are going to spend on 14th. But what about singles, living in Denmark? The widely advertised first and the biggest Denmark’s dating website Dating.dk, without a doubt, claims that “love starts here”. Is it really guaranteed and so easy to find your second half on the other side of the wire? And what are the advantages and disadvantages of such communication?

http://www.flickr.com/people/gareth1953/

http://www.flickr.com/people/gareth1953/

Possibility to find your second half

You have probably met a couple that has met each other online and has started their romance using dating sites. I have. Many. Being able to communicate 24/7, without a doubt, is a convenient option to communicate with each other regardless of time difference and distance. That must be a reason of why so many international women find Danish men online – and why they become love immigrants and come to Denmark. ”I have met my husband online. After we have talked for some time, I felt really curious to meet him. And it worked out…” – said an Italian lady I met the other day in a cafe. “I have never thought I would fall in love with someone even before seeing in reality, but I did!” – she smiles to me, looking happy. So what is the secret of finding your love online? And is it possible to find someone when you are already in Denmark?

Pros and Cons

The biggest advantage of an online dating is an option to communicate whenever you want. You are in charge of writing pace as well as the fluency of your answers and, unlike in reality, you can think over of what do you actually want to write – and it is relatively easy to create an intrigue. However, due to the fact that both parties can take as much time as they want to answer, the “ideal person” illusion appears, and, after having met in reality, the whole communication with a certain person online might seem like a waste of time. However, as soon as you realize that the person with whom you are in contact does not interest you, you have an option to quit chatting without having to waste time together. “I was a busy woman, who used to have a tight working schedule. So I signed for some dating websites and many of my dates were a complete disaster, – claims Maura,- but internet gives an option to analyze other person deeper than in reality, you only have to take some time.

Women seek for the prince on a white horse

Due to a change in family status (when a woman is no longer a housewife, but contribute to the family budget) has changed the requirements for men. Earlier, one of the most important things that a woman would be interested in a man was his wealth whereas nowadays women are looking for specific character traits as well as the desire to look after children (especially if her salary is bigger than his). “I think, online dating can actually bring luck to everyone. It’s like a book where people are registered and you only have to pick the ones you like according to their appearance, hobbies and character traits they listed, whereas “seeing” everyone so quickly in reality is impossible”.

Dating.dk – a search for an adventure

After having done a research on Dating.dk, unfortunately, I came up with the conclusion that majority of people, registered over there, are rather searching for a fun adventure than a serious long-term relationship. Probably the ease of seeing a picture (i.e. appearance: hot or not?) as well as quick chatting (interesting or not?) makes it easier to decide and “sign” for the fun evening, whereas dating would take longer… Also, an open culture and straightforwardness makes it easier to find someone for short-term enjoyment. Certainly, it is hard to generalize all members only having talked and analyzed some of them, but internationals also claim that it is relatively hard to find someone serious since majority of members are looking casual relationships rather than future together.

Probably the best thought that I found was by sir Tom from USA, who has expressed his thoughts in foreignersindenmark.dk: “Online dating is just like offline dating – it takes an effort and you will have to figuratively kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince/princess.” However, if you believe in finding a love thought the internet and are still in search of your second have be sure that:

- you choose an unique and catchy nickname;

- be careful about the picture you choose to put online;

- don’t use boring phrases, especially in describing yourself;

- don’t give second chances for people that seem “so so”;

- go on a date only when you are sure that someone interests you enough.

Good luck!