Normally, I don’t like to do soul-naked posts. But sometimes, you just have to put your thoughts on paper or your mind will explode from thousands, if not millions of thoughts and memories that happen to “live” in you at the same time.
Exactly 5 years ago my grandpa died. I still remember – that year I didn’t come back home from Denmark as I found a job in a restaurant and wanted to earn some money. Instead of going home for the summer to spend my days with the ones I love, I chose to stay in rainy Denmark spending my days cleaning dishes of rich people so that I could save up a penny. I thought there’s enough time for everything, and instead of spending my summer at home I bought a ticket for the 4th of November to come for a few days to celebrate my grandpa’s birthday. And exactly five years ago, on 2nd of November, I was getting ready to go meet my supervisor to discuss the topic of my bachelor thesis when my phone rang… and mom announced that he is gone. No more caring calls. No more caring hugs. No more caring discussions. Instead of going home to celebrate his birthday I ended up going home for his funeral… Along with the feeling of guilt that I exchanged potential memories with my family to some money, which I earned cleaning dishes while the rich were making memories.
Yesterday, after 5 years, I went to bed with some sour feelings, like every year, thinking how troubled we all are – choosing money over love, spending our days trying to impress people we don’t care about and not paying attention to each other when it’s needed most. Yesterday, I went to bed with the sour feeling thinking of my grandpa. And today I was woken up by beautiful bright sunshine beams across the mountains. Not sure if I should believe that he sent it… But if some magical tool connecting us with the ones that passed away, at least for 5 minutes, was available, I’d make sure he knows that his little girl is happy. If only he knew how much I miss him…
If only I could give an advice for you all – love each other. Now. Indescribably. Unconditionally. A lot. There might not be another chance to do it.