Our life is very hierarchical. Or, should I rather say, used to be hierarchical. Whereas a family some time ago must’ve consisted of a father and mother, nowadays a substantial number of women choose to be alone. Why do they do so? And, after all, isn’t it our nature to be with someone?
A different lifestyle
The other day I stumbled upon a forum where a young woman shared that even though she enjoys meeting new people, most of the time she feels that she can see right through them, and such feeling makes her unwilling to know them deeper. It definitely made me wonder since I probably am more or less traditionally raised that there simply has to be “mommy” and “daddy” in the family, who have at least one child. I was brought up thinking that it’s a natural human need, an instinct to want to be with someone else. However, I had a chance to talk to Christa, 34, who works as a manager. She made me think that women sometimes choose to be alone simply because of different lifestyle. ”I am an active woman. I have a well-paid position in one of the worlds most known companies and I tend to travel a lot. I did have a couple of boyfriends but no one managed to be with me due to my lifestyle”, shares Christa. Yet do such women feel the need to be with someone, I wonder? “Sure, I do want to be loved. But that’s about it”, she smiles. “I am too busy to be with someone or, even more, to have a child. My career is my priority number one”, explains she.
The joy of being alone
According to psychologists, enjoying your own company is the first step to happiness. However, when it leads to a life choice of being alone rather in a relationship, the whole situation changes. It is said that we are “constructed” to be with someone and to rely on someone since no one wants to be 100% responsible.
“I love people, but I love to be by myself more”, says Christa. “I know if I had a man he couldn’t accept my lifestyle and spirit of adventure. Currently, I am loving being single. I do not want to go through what I have experienced so far”, says she. “I know I do not depend on anyone and I am not responsible for anyone. It allows me to feel and be free”.
The fear of being committed
Young, gorgeous and clever. It seems impossible to believe, but she is single. And has been single for a long time. And there are many young women like that… Cynthia, a student from Uganda thinks that women who choose to be alone are the ones who feel they’ve attained so much independence, that they wouldn’t need to rely on a partner for anything. “They probably prefer being single because they are much happier that way. It could also be related to bad past experiences or even fear to be committed.” says Cynthia. “I personally would choose to be alone if I am on a path of self discovery. I would prefer being alone so that I can know myself better and also be better for a partner I may want to be with later”, says she.
The more people you meet, the easier you realize how different we are. And so are our preferences and choices. “I think, there will eventually be a guy that falls in love with such a strong and independent woman”, says Denisa, 24. “Even if a woman chooses to repel a guy, it would work only for a moment. I think women are meant to get close to someone.” However, I also understand the situation if woman has been through some unpleasant experiences. Then she will most likely want freedom. However, it would be awesome if a woman could find a man whom she could be free with”, explains she with the smile.
Psychologists claim that one can decline to actively seek relationships, yet no one is able to reject the natural need of love, intimacy and stable relationship. But what are your thoughts on the topic – can a woman be happy when being single – and can a woman be single all her lifetime?